I approached my friend and pastor after worship yesterday to say, "well, that was a lot of (insert word for poop) from the pulpit today...." See, in our journey through Philippians over the past several weeks, this past Sunday found us in chapter three where Paul exhorts us to "rejoice in the Lord" by treasuring Jesus as our only righteousness. Our pastor explained that Paul used some pretty strong language to discard Paul's own previous "good works" as meaningless in light of the true righteousness received only by Jesus' work on the cross. In fact, in verse 8, Paul calls everything from which he drew his good standing "rubbish." Our pastor then equated the Greek word of the original text with our modern day "crap."
Well, that's where I started squirming. I never had much of a potty-mouth, but I did try out some profanity over the years. As I have grown in my faith over the past several years, I have noticed a decreased tolerance for foul language in watching TV and movies. So, whether outwardly or not, I flinched with each use of that word during the sermon yesterday.
I was pretty much kidding when I talked with my friend after the service, but had a vague feeling of discomfort throughout the rest of yesterday. However, as I let the rest of the message fall on me as the day went on, I started having some other thoughts that led me to wonder if my unease stemmed from the word itself, or what it represented in my own life?
I walk a fine line, I think, between doing as inspired by God's Holy Spirit, and doing as inspired by my own desire to please. It was a painful revelation for me a few years back when God removed me from a place--both physical and metaphorical--where I was heavily doing and serving and had woven myself into an uncomfortable and tenuous position of defining my worth and standing based on works. He firmly but so kindly disentangled me and placed me in a spot where it was impossible to hide behind anything. It made me scared, and it made me mad. In fact, as I sat alone in worship one Sunday, as Mark was out of town for work, I frantically scribbled down all of the reasons why I was angry with God for putting me in such an uncomfortable position when I had been happy with my place....
Oh.
At that point it hit me that what I had been doing was all about me and my work and very marginally about Jesus and His work. Well, that shut me right down and put me on a path of gratitude and repentance that gradually allowed me to open my heart and eyes to where He was leading. I still marvel at the grace of His guidance during that time.
So, yesterday was good. I can't say I relish that particular word or its use, but I must admit I am grateful for the uneasy feeling and slight offense. As I mentioned before, I walk a fine line in my doing, and I need practice in discerning the nasty odor of pride and self-satisfaction from the pleasing aroma that comes from service that stems only from gratitude for the right-standing I have with God because of Jesus.
